Miss Independent...
My independence has always been a point of pride in my life.
I may not be the prettiest. Or the thinnest. I may not be the most fashionable. Or the most athletic (although in my heart, I'm still the starting point guard on the '96 Olympic team). But despite all these many things I'm not, three things I've always been are capable, confident, and independent.
My mom didn't have to worry about entertaining me when I was a kid...a box of barbies, along side a set of matchbox cars...throw in a binder of baseball cards that I could alphabetize and I was good to go for hours! She didn't have to worry about me getting in trouble; I wanted to make her proud, so working hard was a priority, and being an "individual" in high school lead me to avoid the conformity of drinking, parties, and boyfriends. I wasn't a loner, but my desire for independence was stronger than my need to be accepted by a group of people my heart couldn't relate to.
Furthermore, as a product of a divorced family...being caught in between two families and never quite trusting the stronghold and enduring presence of the people in my life, relying on ME seemed like the smart and least painful option.
Wow. The Devil makes some strong and logical arguments, doesn't he? Now-only because of the Grace of God-it's easy to see that all those thoughts, fears, and hurts were a result of Satan's hold over me. He uses trials and temptations in our lives to tear us down, plant doubts in our minds, and build walls around our hearts. And he's really good at it!
No wonder it took me so long to clearly see the Truth. To clearly see that God was NOT responsible for those trials occurring, but He was responsible for creating the path that lead me out of those trials into Light. Despite the fact that I came to this conclusion and accepted Christ into my heart about 6 years ago, I still have a long way to go in my relationship with God. That point of pride in my life (Independence) has a tendency to take over my desire to truly submit and obey my Jesus. I want to, I really do. But being dependent on anyone is a difficult "compromise" for me to make. Why put it on someone else when I can handle it myself.
Thankfully, the Lord has given me some time to work out my issues! As my girl Abs has said, "Salvation is an on-going process that never stops as long as you walk this Earth." So, here's how He's been breakin me this past month:
I've been overwhelmingly Blessed this past month or so. I recently moved to B to the Loomington. With my roommate on vaca this past week, I've realized how quickly I've become accustomed to my everyday interaction with her. I've enjoyed and looked forward to our daily conversations, laughter, meals, SBUX runs, and prayer time. With the "Miss Independence" attitude I typically carry with me everywhere, I had no idea how much I had already depended on my newly established routine or how much I would really miss my roomie!
So...that leads me to today: I turned to today's Daily Reflections for Highly Effective People, and read this:
Empathetic listening is deeply therapeutic and healing because it gives a person, "psychological air." Next to physical survival, the greatest need of a human is to be understood, be affirmed, be validated, and be appreciated.
To receive empathetic listening...you first need to confide in someone...DEPEND upon someone. Understanding, affirmation, validation, and appreciation don't come our way unless we've trusted someone to provide these things to us; Unless we've let our guard down for a second and yielded...or submitted, in a sense, to another individual.
I praise God as I realize He has helped me let my guard down a bit, trust in some people around me, and depend on the empathetic listening, heartfelt prayer, and kindhearted honesty of a fellow sister in Christ.
Even more so, I praise God, as He has revealed Himself as my ever-constant, merciful, and loving Empathetic Listener. Yielding to love and fellowship on Earth is one thing, but truly submitting to the power and purpose of Jesus is another.
He has revealed to me, more so than ever before, how essential it is for me to truly submit to Him. And even bigger than this revelation, He has finally uncovered my desire to do so! To “give-up” self-dependence…and depend on Him to see me through. Now, I realize it’s not as simple is that…I don’t just say, “ok, I’m ready,” and it’s done…I’ve submitted. Again, like Abs said…this is a process, right? But, it’s a process I am moving forward in. And I am so excited!
Jesus, I pray that you would continue to break me and re-shape me into a woman after your own heart. I have lived with a misguided heart for far too long, and I ask for your strength to have faith in the Brothers and Sisters you have Blessed me with. Please help me to trust in the fellowship opportunities you place before me. Help me to be more prayerful as I recognize and praise you for being my Ultimate Empathetic Listener. Lord, thank you for your Holy Spirit…for the 24/7/365 access I have to your love. And Lord, more than anything else, help me submit to Your will and Your purpose for me more and more each day I live.
I love you, Jesus.
I may not be the prettiest. Or the thinnest. I may not be the most fashionable. Or the most athletic (although in my heart, I'm still the starting point guard on the '96 Olympic team). But despite all these many things I'm not, three things I've always been are capable, confident, and independent.
My mom didn't have to worry about entertaining me when I was a kid...a box of barbies, along side a set of matchbox cars...throw in a binder of baseball cards that I could alphabetize and I was good to go for hours! She didn't have to worry about me getting in trouble; I wanted to make her proud, so working hard was a priority, and being an "individual" in high school lead me to avoid the conformity of drinking, parties, and boyfriends. I wasn't a loner, but my desire for independence was stronger than my need to be accepted by a group of people my heart couldn't relate to.
Furthermore, as a product of a divorced family...being caught in between two families and never quite trusting the stronghold and enduring presence of the people in my life, relying on ME seemed like the smart and least painful option.
Wow. The Devil makes some strong and logical arguments, doesn't he? Now-only because of the Grace of God-it's easy to see that all those thoughts, fears, and hurts were a result of Satan's hold over me. He uses trials and temptations in our lives to tear us down, plant doubts in our minds, and build walls around our hearts. And he's really good at it!
No wonder it took me so long to clearly see the Truth. To clearly see that God was NOT responsible for those trials occurring, but He was responsible for creating the path that lead me out of those trials into Light. Despite the fact that I came to this conclusion and accepted Christ into my heart about 6 years ago, I still have a long way to go in my relationship with God. That point of pride in my life (Independence) has a tendency to take over my desire to truly submit and obey my Jesus. I want to, I really do. But being dependent on anyone is a difficult "compromise" for me to make. Why put it on someone else when I can handle it myself.
Thankfully, the Lord has given me some time to work out my issues! As my girl Abs has said, "Salvation is an on-going process that never stops as long as you walk this Earth." So, here's how He's been breakin me this past month:
I've been overwhelmingly Blessed this past month or so. I recently moved to B to the Loomington. With my roommate on vaca this past week, I've realized how quickly I've become accustomed to my everyday interaction with her. I've enjoyed and looked forward to our daily conversations, laughter, meals, SBUX runs, and prayer time. With the "Miss Independence" attitude I typically carry with me everywhere, I had no idea how much I had already depended on my newly established routine or how much I would really miss my roomie!
So...that leads me to today: I turned to today's Daily Reflections for Highly Effective People, and read this:
Empathetic listening is deeply therapeutic and healing because it gives a person, "psychological air." Next to physical survival, the greatest need of a human is to be understood, be affirmed, be validated, and be appreciated.
To receive empathetic listening...you first need to confide in someone...DEPEND upon someone. Understanding, affirmation, validation, and appreciation don't come our way unless we've trusted someone to provide these things to us; Unless we've let our guard down for a second and yielded...or submitted, in a sense, to another individual.
I praise God as I realize He has helped me let my guard down a bit, trust in some people around me, and depend on the empathetic listening, heartfelt prayer, and kindhearted honesty of a fellow sister in Christ.
Even more so, I praise God, as He has revealed Himself as my ever-constant, merciful, and loving Empathetic Listener. Yielding to love and fellowship on Earth is one thing, but truly submitting to the power and purpose of Jesus is another.
He has revealed to me, more so than ever before, how essential it is for me to truly submit to Him. And even bigger than this revelation, He has finally uncovered my desire to do so! To “give-up” self-dependence…and depend on Him to see me through. Now, I realize it’s not as simple is that…I don’t just say, “ok, I’m ready,” and it’s done…I’ve submitted. Again, like Abs said…this is a process, right? But, it’s a process I am moving forward in. And I am so excited!
Jesus, I pray that you would continue to break me and re-shape me into a woman after your own heart. I have lived with a misguided heart for far too long, and I ask for your strength to have faith in the Brothers and Sisters you have Blessed me with. Please help me to trust in the fellowship opportunities you place before me. Help me to be more prayerful as I recognize and praise you for being my Ultimate Empathetic Listener. Lord, thank you for your Holy Spirit…for the 24/7/365 access I have to your love. And Lord, more than anything else, help me submit to Your will and Your purpose for me more and more each day I live.
I love you, Jesus.
posted by the way I see it... at 11:53 AM
1 Comments:
hey!! love the new blog. the look of it is so classy. i haven't read your entry yet, but i wanted to check in. :) miss you!
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