empathy, by n.smith

once, twice, three times
i feel the world deny me
fourth, fifth, sixth climb
I plummet in shameful defeat

it’s all a numbers game when it’s this earthly life we’re talkin
we count each step a blessing or curse, dependin which road we’re walkin

seven, eight, nine, ten
abandoned once again
eleven, twelve
our worn souls trodden by lies and sin

this arithmetic, it just won’t end
long as it’s your words I’m playin
wonderin if you’re crying now, wonderin what your son is thinkin

as he stares at me in question,
my heart grieves from more deceit
I stare right back with piercing eyes
daring to question your love for me

thirteen, fourteen without a thought
fifteen through twenty, I’ve bout had enough

it’s too much to handle, you can’t begin to understand
cept by that scar in the middle of your hand
my heart blue and black from a life stoned and broken
it’s all a matter of me till I ‘member words you’ve spoken

and it don’t take away the pain, no the flood gates don’t just close
but you know how my heart aches,
more than anyone, you know how the story goes

it’s in your wounds
your suffering
your heart of blue and black
your crown of thorns
your sacrifice
the whips that struck your back

twenty-one, twenty-two
and I cringe with terror just to think
twenty-three, twenty-four, twenty-five
I hear your cries, my excuses grow weak

twenty-six through thirty
if anyone knows the sting of torture
thirty-one, thirty-two, thirty-three, thirty-four
soaked in blood at your feet I lay in horror

it’s all but a numbers game when it’s this heavenly life we’re talkin
each drop shed, paved out this shameless road I’m walkin

I always knew math didn’t matter
you confirmed that when you never started countin
you took each blow just like a steady base drum
no tally in the sand, no question or doubtin

You knew what was to come,
and you stood first in line
Baring that cross until your death
So that the real pain wouldn’t be mine