UGLY CITY: proceed with caution
SOOO...before I go ahead and enter Ugly City, I need to begin with a few disclaimers. Regardless of where the rest of this blog goes, know that I am quite aware of a few things and that I apologize in advance for any offensive comments.
1.) I'm aware that this may not be the best way to handle my current emotions.
2.) I most definitely realize that the things I'm about to complain about nowhere near compare to the majority of the world's catastrophes, natural disasters or tragedies. YES, as almost always, it could be worse.
3.) If you're in a pleasant mood, I don't want to risk ruining it and I won't feel bad if you click on the little red X in the upper right hand corner.
4.) If you think I'm a decent person, please don't allow this blog to change your opinion of me.
5.) In about 3 weeks...maybe 2, I will look back at this blog and think to myself, "what a disturbing overreaction...what a mellow-dramatic person I was that day."
6.) I will then remind myself that in this very moment, I was not really being dramatic, because this is really the way I feel right now and it’s okay to have these feelings sometimes. It’s not fun. But it’s okay.
7.) Politically correct. NO. Religiously correct. Absolutely not. I will pray about it after I write about it. I have to organize my thoughts before I can attempt to pray about them.
8.) I am going to try very hard not to feel bad or embarrassed about sharing the depths of my semi-destructive feelings today.
Okay, those may be all.
You ever have those days when you just can't stand life? Everything I look at today, I just want to spit at. Honestly. I completely can't stand just about everything I hear and look at today. The first time, all day, that I saw something that lightened my heart, was when Abby walked through the door about an hour ago. Oh and the second light moment of the day that I didn't want to throw something at: the episode of the Office when Ryan sets a fire. Something about Dwight crawling across the floor with a fire extinguisher that put a different spin on the day. Temporarily anyway.
I think there are just a few things that I'm really, genuinely sick of in life.
First. Really getting tired of people placing blame, throwing people under the bus, not communicating properly. Say you have a staff of only about 180 people. That's a SMALL organization. Very small in fact. You'd think people would be able to easily communicate. You'd think people would care about the other people around them. If all 180 or even 175 pulled through with their particular responsibilities and were respectful of one another, jeez...I bet that organization might be slightly more successful. Be fun to see that happen sometime. This stuff about being ONE...somehow not really believing it. I'd like a millionaire who's passionate about the W to come along and buy us up. I'm fed up with trying to co-exist with our co-brand.
Second. Super done. Actually absolutely done with dishonesty. And fickleness. Figuring out feelings before committing to feeling them is a smart idea that is rarely implemented. Handing over pieces of your heart and getting absolutely screwed in the end is pretty crappy, and I'm done with that. Then having to see the jerkhole you gave it to everyday...actually about every minute (literally) of everyday. Awesome. It's super awesome. Can't get enough of it, really. Especially walking in on conversations the jerkhole is having with his new whorebag girlfriend who he's met twice and conveniently lives 2,000 miles away. Fun. It's also cool when he likes to pretend you're still best friends. Ohhhh, I love being forced into situations where I have to be fake and pretend everything is phenomenal.
Third. Lack of life. I am a pretty passionate person. When I decide to be committed to something, I am committed to it pretty completely. I feel like the 60ish hours per week is a decent display of c-o-m-m-i-t-t-m-e-n-t. I don't know. Maybe not. Maybe I’m wrong. Regardless, I'm ticked. I'm really, seriously, ridiculously pissed off. One of the few other passions that I even remotely attempt to indulge in even despite those 60ish hours is coaching. It's my escape. Spending a few hours a week with middle-schoolers playing ball is what makes the rest of the week possible. So when my 60ish becomes 75ish one week and forces me....yes, I know I'm an adult, but I'm also an adult who needs to keep her job....so forces me to miss a pretty big event for my 14-year-olds, I get a little pissed off. I love my 60ish hours a week. But despite the romance I share with those hours, even I realize I need to carve out some time for a life. Today my carving knife was taken from my hand and I'm pissed.
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...how I hope tomorrow offers a new perspective. I really, truly do. But at this point in the evening, all I can think of are the messes referred to above, all I can see is my coffee cup getting empty and all I can hear is a piercing scream of the baby next door seeping through our apartment wall.
1.) I'm aware that this may not be the best way to handle my current emotions.
2.) I most definitely realize that the things I'm about to complain about nowhere near compare to the majority of the world's catastrophes, natural disasters or tragedies. YES, as almost always, it could be worse.
3.) If you're in a pleasant mood, I don't want to risk ruining it and I won't feel bad if you click on the little red X in the upper right hand corner.
4.) If you think I'm a decent person, please don't allow this blog to change your opinion of me.
5.) In about 3 weeks...maybe 2, I will look back at this blog and think to myself, "what a disturbing overreaction...what a mellow-dramatic person I was that day."
6.) I will then remind myself that in this very moment, I was not really being dramatic, because this is really the way I feel right now and it’s okay to have these feelings sometimes. It’s not fun. But it’s okay.
7.) Politically correct. NO. Religiously correct. Absolutely not. I will pray about it after I write about it. I have to organize my thoughts before I can attempt to pray about them.
8.) I am going to try very hard not to feel bad or embarrassed about sharing the depths of my semi-destructive feelings today.
Okay, those may be all.
You ever have those days when you just can't stand life? Everything I look at today, I just want to spit at. Honestly. I completely can't stand just about everything I hear and look at today. The first time, all day, that I saw something that lightened my heart, was when Abby walked through the door about an hour ago. Oh and the second light moment of the day that I didn't want to throw something at: the episode of the Office when Ryan sets a fire. Something about Dwight crawling across the floor with a fire extinguisher that put a different spin on the day. Temporarily anyway.
I think there are just a few things that I'm really, genuinely sick of in life.
First. Really getting tired of people placing blame, throwing people under the bus, not communicating properly. Say you have a staff of only about 180 people. That's a SMALL organization. Very small in fact. You'd think people would be able to easily communicate. You'd think people would care about the other people around them. If all 180 or even 175 pulled through with their particular responsibilities and were respectful of one another, jeez...I bet that organization might be slightly more successful. Be fun to see that happen sometime. This stuff about being ONE...somehow not really believing it. I'd like a millionaire who's passionate about the W to come along and buy us up. I'm fed up with trying to co-exist with our co-brand.
Second. Super done. Actually absolutely done with dishonesty. And fickleness. Figuring out feelings before committing to feeling them is a smart idea that is rarely implemented. Handing over pieces of your heart and getting absolutely screwed in the end is pretty crappy, and I'm done with that. Then having to see the jerkhole you gave it to everyday...actually about every minute (literally) of everyday. Awesome. It's super awesome. Can't get enough of it, really. Especially walking in on conversations the jerkhole is having with his new whorebag girlfriend who he's met twice and conveniently lives 2,000 miles away. Fun. It's also cool when he likes to pretend you're still best friends. Ohhhh, I love being forced into situations where I have to be fake and pretend everything is phenomenal.
Third. Lack of life. I am a pretty passionate person. When I decide to be committed to something, I am committed to it pretty completely. I feel like the 60ish hours per week
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...how I hope tomorrow offers a new perspective. I really, truly do. But at this point in the evening, all I can think of are the messes referred to above, all I can see is my coffee cup getting empty and all I can hear is a piercing scream of the baby next door seeping through our apartment wall.
posted by the way I see it... at 9:25 PM
2 Comments:
come on. we BOTH know full well that boys rock.
they completely treat us well- they never play games- they always make their intentions quite clear- they never make us wonder- they never act like they like us, then BLOW us off- and they NEVER NEVER confuse the crap out of us!
we are WAY too pretty for any of that.
Ok, abs response makes me want to write my own seething blog about how women never listen to the opinions/advice of guys who are their friends concerning new love interests. Guys can always tell when other guys are creeps and/or losers, but you girls never want to listen! "You don't know him like I do!"
But anyways, my response to you schwiznickelanddime is that this was a great post. I hope it was read by a lot of the people involved...especially one particular person.
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