tell me how
i just want to put this question/fear/thought out there and ask for anybody's perspective and opinion on it.
i've been thinking a lot lately about hurt and pain....healing and forgiveness. how pain is caused, and how to go about the process of healing. i've been thinking about how all of us have these ginormous sources of pain in our past that inevitably affect the people we are today. i've been realizing that these hurts must be confronted because burying and bottling just won't suffice forever.
so i reach out to my Lord and ask for healing, and i hear Him say i must first forgive my adversaries before i can heal the pain they caused. is it possible to forgive behavior and treatment that hasn't and may never change? how do we get past pain that is still being produced? i know scripture tells us to forgive and forgive and forgive...not matter how many times one betrays. Matthew 18:21-23: "Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. "Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants."
it's not that i don't want to settle my accounts. it's that i don't know how. and i don't know how to offer forgiveness to someone for something they don't believe they have done. is it possible to forgive someone for doing something they truly don't believe they have done? i have looked pain in the eye, asked why, exposed my hurt, and even after confrontation, gotten no where. in the end, actually found more pain and disappointment.
so i ask how. how do i forgive 1.) those who refuse to see the condemnation and hurt they have placed upon me and 2.) those who will continue to do so over and over and over. i don't know what that road to forgiveness looks like. i don't know how to do that. it's not a question of stubborness or anything. i truly want to....mostly for selfish reasons, b/c i want to be FREED of the bitterness and resentment i feel toward these people. i don't want to live with these memories that reveal anger and mistrust in my heart. i want to be over it, i don't want their choices to weigh me down like an anchor or smother the light that i know exists within me. i don't want to be angry anymore. but i simply don't know how to release it. i feel like a prisoner of this pain, and i truly don't know how to relieve my sentence.
i've been thinking a lot lately about hurt and pain....healing and forgiveness. how pain is caused, and how to go about the process of healing. i've been thinking about how all of us have these ginormous sources of pain in our past that inevitably affect the people we are today. i've been realizing that these hurts must be confronted because burying and bottling just won't suffice forever.
so i reach out to my Lord and ask for healing, and i hear Him say i must first forgive my adversaries before i can heal the pain they caused. is it possible to forgive behavior and treatment that hasn't and may never change? how do we get past pain that is still being produced? i know scripture tells us to forgive and forgive and forgive...not matter how many times one betrays. Matthew 18:21-23: "Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. "Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants."
it's not that i don't want to settle my accounts. it's that i don't know how. and i don't know how to offer forgiveness to someone for something they don't believe they have done. is it possible to forgive someone for doing something they truly don't believe they have done? i have looked pain in the eye, asked why, exposed my hurt, and even after confrontation, gotten no where. in the end, actually found more pain and disappointment.
so i ask how. how do i forgive 1.) those who refuse to see the condemnation and hurt they have placed upon me and 2.) those who will continue to do so over and over and over. i don't know what that road to forgiveness looks like. i don't know how to do that. it's not a question of stubborness or anything. i truly want to....mostly for selfish reasons, b/c i want to be FREED of the bitterness and resentment i feel toward these people. i don't want to live with these memories that reveal anger and mistrust in my heart. i want to be over it, i don't want their choices to weigh me down like an anchor or smother the light that i know exists within me. i don't want to be angry anymore. but i simply don't know how to release it. i feel like a prisoner of this pain, and i truly don't know how to relieve my sentence.
posted by the way I see it... at 11:28 PM
1 Comments:
I hope you find the answer soon, because I am tired of waking up at 5:30 AM to pray for you. =) Swz...you know I'm praying. I won't stop. I just won't.
Post a Comment
<< Home