without my miracle, by n.smith
a new life.
hopeless. alone. lost. crossroads. questions. weak. alone.
i had a desire to find my God somewhere in the new life he had given me.
i had desperation to find a friend, someone to simply understand my heart.
i longed for years past. friends past. millions of priceless moments that were now only memories. millions of irreplaceable memories that were now miles away.
in a hotel room too big for me. in a city too big for me. i felt more alone than ever.
death by mini bar, finally i admitted brokenness.
one email, my miracle.
a friend awaited my return, someone who simply would understand my heart…and i hers.
how could either of us know his plan for our friendship…for our lives.
how could either of us anticipate his power in our bond…in our hearts.
how could one person bring so much of God’s presence into my broken life.
how could i even begin to predict how much i would starve for his presence the very moment that she left.
so strong. so independent. so powerful i am.
yet here i sit tonight.
an apartment just my size. a city just my size. feeling just as alone as i once did.
i long for months past. friend past. millions of priceless moments that are now only memories. millions of irreplaceable memories that are, at this very moment, driving miles away.
no mini bar, just an empty box of tissues and yes, brokenness.
still believe he has a plan. absolutely must relinquish power. desperately need to feel his presence.
this time without my miracle.
hopeless. alone. lost. crossroads. questions. weak. alone.
i had a desire to find my God somewhere in the new life he had given me.
i had desperation to find a friend, someone to simply understand my heart.
i longed for years past. friends past. millions of priceless moments that were now only memories. millions of irreplaceable memories that were now miles away.
in a hotel room too big for me. in a city too big for me. i felt more alone than ever.
death by mini bar, finally i admitted brokenness.
one email, my miracle.
a friend awaited my return, someone who simply would understand my heart…and i hers.
how could either of us know his plan for our friendship…for our lives.
how could either of us anticipate his power in our bond…in our hearts.
how could one person bring so much of God’s presence into my broken life.
how could i even begin to predict how much i would starve for his presence the very moment that she left.
so strong. so independent. so powerful i am.
yet here i sit tonight.
an apartment just my size. a city just my size. feeling just as alone as i once did.
i long for months past. friend past. millions of priceless moments that are now only memories. millions of irreplaceable memories that are, at this very moment, driving miles away.
no mini bar, just an empty box of tissues and yes, brokenness.
still believe he has a plan. absolutely must relinquish power. desperately need to feel his presence.
this time without my miracle.
posted by the way I see it... at 2:27 AM
4 Comments:
You know I check this thing almost every other day...I did a double take when I didn't see "Mc grossy, Gross, Gross". It is good to see you posting again. sorry it isn't with "happy thoughts"...we are all going to miss her. praying God's presence will pour all over your life today.
oh and p.s. if you ever have another day with nothing to do (which I think is terribly therapeutic--ask Jamie--I am always trying to get him to RELAX!) but anyway, a. you can hang out with me or b. you can come clean MY house. ;)
You and Amber are sooo coming over when we get somewhat settled in the new place! I've wanted you to be my guests for awhile now... so you're welcome to stop into St. Louis Park now... since I'm close to Minneapolis at the time... you'll just have to sit among boxes and strewn pics, mail, etc. :)
So good to see you girls the other night. And I echo Gretchen and LOVE that you are blogging! Missed your thoughts.
excuse me. i'd like to point out that i am STILL your miracle. i didn't die ya know.
who said i was talking about you!?!?!
;)
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